if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
