Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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