is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
