my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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