I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
