i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
