I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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