I am spending my child support on dildos
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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