she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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