my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I AM VODKA MAN
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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