I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
