Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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