and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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