You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
