What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
