is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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