I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
