She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
