I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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