If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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