The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
