This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
