I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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