My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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