I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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