the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
