come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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