if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Success! We fucked roommates!
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