Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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