i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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