Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
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