just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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