He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I want to fling myself into the sun
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
