dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
