The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You're a waste of cheezeits
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
