let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
