I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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