you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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