flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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