I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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