She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
