I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
