Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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