Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
