Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
