chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Randomize
