Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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