It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
