It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
