I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
