i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
