I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
