I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
it glows. i had to have it.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
