There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
