me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
