Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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