I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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