I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Ketchup is God's man juice
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
