yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
