Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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