ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
