garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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