It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
nutella sex= disaster
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
