i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
