You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
