So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
