Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
