so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
