I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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