People in love make me want to vomit
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
